My Mountain Trail

SFO-ORD-YUL-ORD-SFO in 36 Hours

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Yesterday I left a stormy SFO on the 6:00 a.m. flight (left at 9:45 a.m.) to Chicago. I was supposed to go via Las Vegas, but that flight was delayed. I was re-routed at my request through Chicago. All I had to do was get there. I was 3rd from last to get on (of 45 people on standby that got on) the plane because they didn’t enter my mileage plus number until the last minute.

Anyway, I made it. Got to my hotel at 10:30 p.m. Meetings went well at the Client, then off to the airport. Now I’m headed home. No flight delays out of Montreal.

The security measures were ridiculous. Okay, let’s see. Here’s the procedure:

Check my passport at check-in.
Tough security guy: Look at my day-pack filled with camera gear. It must be checked. Camera gear is okay if I put it in my briefcase. Briefcase judged to be too large, but they will allow it because of the two cameras and computer. Empty pack must be checked.
Get bag ticket and take it to the xray line. Scan my boarding pass and send the bag into the machine (which takes the bag automatically down to the next floor for handling).
Go back to the tough security guy: Okay, I’m now safe to pass after checking my boarding pass.
Next tough security/customs type: Checks my boarding pass and scans it with a radio scanner. Sends me on to customs.
Nice customs lady looks my paperwork over (including scanning my boarding pass) and plays 20 questions with me. Finishes with showing my a photo of my checked bag and asks if it is mine. I thank her for keeping track of it and ask if she can continue to keep an eye on it so that it shows up in SFO. No guarantees offered. Wished a good day.
New tough security guy: scans my boarding pass and sends me in for security screening.
‘Nother new tough security guy: Receives me at the security line and scans my boarding pass. This is the last time my boarding pass is scanned so I guess this was as far as Mr. Customs wanted to track me. Now I was just left with the tough security guys.
Security screen: Strip down to no metal and go through. They’ve never seen a metal camera before (Leica M3 and Jiffy) so they have to do a bomb test and visual search. I’m okay. Whew!
Tough security guy: Looks at my boarding pass and directs me to stand in a pretty long line of people. A 100% pat-down search and complete carry-on search is in progress. Empty pockets. Search coat. Completely empty briefcase. “What’s this?” 70-year-old camera. “Really? Does it work?” Yep. “What kind of film does it use?…” and so it went. Standing in line for 20 minutes didn’t change my status. Still okay. Whew again! They put a big x on my boarding pass with a green highlighter (tricky, eh?).
Tough security lady (with gun) inspects my chartreuse ‘x’. Looks good. I can pass.
Buy a burger with my credit card. Nice burger lady checks my i.d. Okay, it’s me. Not the best burger but I won’t starve now.
Board the plane. Nice agent checks my passport and scans my boarding pass (really! –The last time it was scanned).
Nice flight attendant on the plane checks my boarding pass. Yep, I have one. I can go to my seat. I’m still okay.
I promise to myself not to light my pants on fire. I don’t want all these nice, tough people to look bad by letting me on the plane…

That’s the fun of traveling from Canada to the USA these days. Maybe it’s an employment plan: “Let’s hire all the unemployed people in Montreal and have them check the boarding passes of anyone going to the United States. If we have 10 unemployed people, we’ll check them 10 times. If we have 100, we’ll check the boarding passes 100 times. Oh, and if we still have more people, we’ll make everyone check a bag (even if it is empty) so that we need more baggage handlers.” Whatever it takes.

At least I feel safe.

Update: Now I’m in Chicago. Still no delays. Yet. And I have been upgraded. Probably because I am so safe.